Letters to the Editor – May 1808

1 May 1808

Haikus to the Editor

They call me harlot. 
For I got my belly full.
But I will survive.   

They left me to die.
Fallen Lady in St. Giles.
A year on, I thrived. 

Hunger, pain, and fear, 
Kept me company at night.
My thoughts on revenge. 

The prince who trained me 
Coaxes vengeance in my heart.
Villains must be stopped. 

This is my warning, to members of the Society for the Purification of England. We are coming for you.

Signed,

A Fallen Woman
London

5 May 1808

Have our standards truly sunk so low? Whereas once our superior paper printed articles on proper etiquette, interesting insights into the movements of Society, and important information regarding current events affecting our great nation. Must we now resort to reading the type of drivel that was posted on the 1st of May? And from a self-proclaimed Jezebel, no less? What is happening in this great nation, when the words of a fallen woman are being forced upon persons of superior standing and greater morals? 

This type of behavior—nay, this type of voice—leads to women having ideas. Demands. Entitlements.

What’s next, then? Women voting? Wearing trousers? Going to school?

This must stop, before our great nation falls to ruin! 

Signed,

Hester T. Smythe
4 Poston Houses
Little Nottingshire, Sussex 

6 May 1808

Hester, you old hag. Put a stocking in it.

Signed,

Lady Harriett Ross 
 —Self-proclaimed Matchmaking Motley Meddler 
 —Mistress of Destiny 
 —Wielder of the Infamous Umbrella 

Bloomfield Place Bath, England 

I’m just an old woman with opinions. On everything.